Episode Transcript
My name is Ken Hanuman, and this is my wife, Dr. Anne O'Hare, we both work in healthcare and have been meditating for many years. We also enjoy a happy and fulfilling marriage. Come listen and see how to demystify spirituality and bring it into your home, your hearts, and in all your relationships. We will share our experiences and how we use these principles in everyday life. Welcome to the spiritual relationship. Hello everyone. Welcome to today's podcast, the Spiritual Relationship. My name is Ken Hanuman, and this is my wife and Dr. Anne O'Hare. Today's topic is about sibling relationships, as you know. as siblings, you, you are genetically, you are very close. You're the closest you can be to anyone, in the world because you share the same DNA. I grew up in a, you can say a large family. There were six of us I just have one sister. One sister, right? One sister, yeah. Yeah. So it's a, it's different from a parent-child relationship. You will be spending so many hours years together and, you can have a variety of experience. You can have, like even among siblings, you'll, you feel, you assume a lot of things that, one, they will always be there for you. There's a saying that the family stick can be bent but not broken. You hear things like, blood is thick than water. Mm-hmm. So we go through life. For many of us, we know that your siblings might, you know, they have your back or so on, or you hope it'll be that way or that you're there for them. It gives a sense that if, if everyone else in the world don't care about you, your siblings. You might be able to contact them. Yeah. And uh, we all need that. We all need that sort of a support. As human beings, we like to be in close connection. We are not isolationists. It's difficult or very, very, very rare to have a human being liking to go, you know? Like, like, like really be alone. Be alone. Like be a hermit. Right. Or something. If the hermit might be away for many years, but they will come back out. Yeah. Right. And, and they would interact with people because now they have something and they wanna share it with others. Right. So, you know, when, when I, when we were talking about this before we started recording, at first we were like, well, what are we gonna talk about? Right? Like, what can we talk about your sister or your brothers or whatever? But as we are talking about these different relationships, like we were talking about parent child, I was noticing, like you were just saying, it's different. It's a definitely a different relationship. It's a different obligation. It's a different sense of, uh, experience when you're with a sibling versus when you're with a parent or you're with the child. And I'll share a little bit of my experience. So I have one younger sister, but we were pretty close in age, little less than two years apart. It's funny 'cause whenever I speak about my childhood, pretty much, I always say we, so my sister and I don't talk too much now. We both have our lives, so I wouldn't say that we're like close friends or anything like that. And that's okay. It's fine. We're very independent, both of us. I know that if something happened, we would be there for each other. But it's funny that whenever we are together, it's like we have the same brain. Yeah. And, and I think that that's because as siblings you grow up. Having very similar experiences. You have the same parents, you have the same house, same routine, same food, same situation, same. Right, same, same, same, same. School, everything is all the same. Mm-hmm. So a lot of the factors that create our personality are also creating theirs. Yes. So you share not only the physical stuff, but you also share a lot of the personality formation. Very unique to that sibling relationship. One other thing is that I think now this is where it can go wrong. 'cause I, I have to share like how it can go wrong. It can go wrong when I have hurt feelings or insecurities or expectations, or maybe I'm a little too controlling or maybe I'm a little arrogant, or maybe I'm this and that. And of course I'm projecting that into my relationships, and I find that with the sibling relationship for me, I prefer to allow for independence because I feel that every adult has a right to be independent. Yes, there is. There should be a right there. Should not feel the person. Shouldn't feel obligated. I remember watching, um, what was it I saw it was, it was a Rocky movie. I'm sorry it was a Rocky movie, but somebody said to Rocky Friends owe like, you owe me something. And Rocky said, no friends don't owe. Friends give. Yeah. So I feel like that's a good thing with siblings. Let it be natural. Let it be organic. Don't demand, don't expect. They're, they're close to you anyway. We just talked about how close they are. I don't have to make demands on their behavior. They're already close. How much closer can they be? We have the similar, same personality almost. And like I was thinking about, um. Even identical twins are even closer. Yeah, because they literally have the same DNA and all of those sameness growing up. So I think it's a very unique relationship. I know people that are very close to their siblings. I know people that are close, but have painful relationships with their siblings. Yeah. I feel like independence is a good way to go with this. Independence for yourself and also independence for them. I feel like there's enough closeness and sameness there inherent in the relationship that will be supportive. There's enough there to be supportive. You don't have to put extra demands. Let it be organic, let it be natural, let it be from the heart, and then enjoy it. Enjoy it, whatever it is. Yeah, I like that point. Yeah. Be detached or independent of, but still be there. So. So tell your story Because you had a different kind of relationship 'cause you had to kind of take care of them, right? Yeah, well, two sisters and, two brother and four brothers, sorry, three brothers, four of us. So the, the, the, the thing about that is that, um, because of the early passing of my mother then, so I had like a double relationship. Being there to sort of, having an attitude of a parent, but also as an elder brother. And, culturally there's some responsibilities that are expected, certain things that are expected of you. And, I think in retrospect that I, I did it well. But I'm so grateful for that relationship because when the world is a challenge and, and you're really working hard to, to achieve something, to develop yourself or to become a better person, maybe financially. The thing is that your, your siblings are the ones that always sort of, have your back. they might help you or, or appreciate it, appreciate it, or something like that, you know? And even now, after so many years, everybody is, they're adults with their own families. But when you sit and you, you have this recollection, it's nice to go through those memories, even though they were lucky. And that's the beautiful thing. Even when the relationships were, I mean, the experiences were challenging. You know, it's a mixed bag. And now looking back, coming through all of that together, you can laugh of it. You can laugh at it, and it's almost like it created a bond that you endure so much together. And from a karmic standpoint, I feel that is what you would like to, to have. People continue to live in your memories for a long time. You can carry these memories way into your old age, even after, I mean, things change right as we get older and older. But your memories can be there with you. It will be nice if your memories are things that entertain you. Mm-hmm. Things that makes you feel you can smile and comfort and comforted by it. I know a little bit about you and your sister, the relationship, and the thing I like about that is that you're both successful academically. You have your own families and everything, but deep down you share the equal respect and you would never see that something that the other person. Might need help and you never know, you will be there no matter come with may. That is something you don't necessarily experience with strangers or with, maybe friends or otherwise. You might have some friendship that are like that. Interesting how unique the relationship is, right? Yeah, it's unique. No other relationship is like that really. You don't share as much with anybody else. But the siblings, yeah. On one hand you can, you can walk away and feel okay, like, you know, I'm taking care and they're okay. You know? Yeah. Or, or you can have a family business with them and you could see them every day, or you could be, there's all different ways to have that relationship, you know? I mean, both of us are kind of independent on the independent side, and we're not advocating for it could be whatever it is. But the nice part about it is that I feel like the foundation is already there. And maybe that is a nice place to reflect on. That no matter what, like we were talking about parent child, that the blessing of the parent and the child. I would say the blessing of the sibling is that you have someone else in this world that has the same experiences as you. Yeah. And it's understood how wonderful. Yeah. Coming back to your memory, the things that stay with you are the things that have deep emotional energy to it. Mm-hmm. So when you are in relationship that are trustworthy or you can depend on, or your give and take is good, what it does is it's something that's gonna stay with you. For me, I believe it stays with you even when you go on to another life. And I would prefer to have that than to have regrets, than to have, or forced, or Right. Or forced, whether it's like, I'm not close, so I feel isolated and I feel bad about it, or I'm forcing myself and that there's a lack of, naturalness or a lack of transformation. The reason I'm saying that is 'cause people listening might be having different family experiences. I mean, once again, we're talking about the I, not ideal, but from a spiritual standpoint. Like what is the relationship all about and what is the value of it and what's the blessing of that relationship? But all of you out there might be having different experiences and there's a way to heal some of that stuff. Yes. Whatever it is, there's ways to heal it. I like the fact that there's independence and I see in your family with the brothers. I never met your sister, but I see that your brothers, there's a, there's room for uniqueness. There's something shared, but there's also uniqueness and maybe that's another blessing of the sibling. Yeah. That you share something that you share with no one else, but you also have the ability to be free and unique. Yeah. I also wanna acknowledge that there are some relationships that are toxic. Yeah. And I would say. That in a sibling with a sibling that I might be really toxic or might be very, maybe incapable of giving or they're incapable of receiving, then you might need to change. Pull back a little. Yeah, pull back. If they're adults and they're, they're adults. Adults and you don't have any other like obligation, reasonable obligation, but, but can pull back. But keep 'em very hard for them, of course. Keep a good heart, even though it might be like difficult to have a conversation or being too close physically, that there might be a need to be distanced, but keep a good heart and you never know how things turn out later on. That this is true with all relationships. If you find that it's toxic, you're using the word toxic. Toxic means it's painful. It's not getting any better. There's no free flow of understanding Yeah. Between the two. So I think in those situations, whatever the relationship, it might be a good idea to get some distance, to take care of yourself so that you can get your bearings. Yeah. But that can happen in any relationship, any relationship, including siblings. Yeah. And that's the thing of a relationship. If you see yourself as coming in alone, leaving alone, and that goes for everybody. Mm-hmm. Then from a comic standpoint, you should be able, whatever the relationship is, whatever you are retaining from that. Whatever you are, imbibing or you are making part of your memory. Let it be something that you can live with that you are proud of or, um, I did my best. That is the important thing. Spirituality teaches you to take care of yourself. Relationship can provide, a lot of good things and opportunities, right? Yeah. But relationship too. If you are exposed to too much toxicity, what you're left with is, is something that you. You don't wanna go back, you don't wanna bring up back that memory. 'cause it pains, it hurts. Mm-hmm. So rather than prolonging or enduring something, it might be better to step away. And we'll talk more about that as we go along. 'cause we're talking about self-care. In a couple of episodes we'll talk more and more about that part of it. But just in closing, maybe we can just wrap up. What is the specialty of the sibling relationship? I feel like it's a great blessing to be with somebody growing up. I really feel like it's wonderful to have others, siblings around, and my son is an only child, so. He doesn't have that, but that's okay. 'cause the only child has its own advantages. Yeah. But, uh, it's a blessing to be with someone. Like I said, every time I think of my childhood, I always say, we so, she's like, burned in me. You know? It's like I'll never be alone. Yeah. And maybe that's another blessing that you feel somewhere inside you're not alone, and that's a wonderful thing. Then as adults you can have independence, you can have a life. There could be ways that your lives can coincide or whatever. Or, or not so much and it's all okay. Yeah, because you have the freedom as an adult and you can still be appreciative and I feel like that's kind of the blessings of the siblings. Right. Anything else? No. Okay. Very good. So thank you all for listening and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. When you walk into a room, life gets little. You.
