Episode Transcript
My name is Ken Hanman, and this is my wife, Dr. Anne, who here, we both work in healthcare and have been meditating for many years. We also enjoy a happy and fulfilling marriage. Come listen and see how to demystify spirituality and bring it into your home, your hearts, and in all your relationships. We will share our experiences and how we use these principles in everyday life. Welcome to the spiritual relationship. Hello everyone. Welcome to the podcast, the Spiritual Relationship. My name is Ken Hanuman, and this is my wife, Dr. Anne O'Hare. Today's topic is finding time and energy for self-care Self- care, this is something that we think we're doing enough of, but yet we have a lot of complaints about not having enough time. For myself, self-care is very deep because like every human being, we have an emotional need. We, we have physical needs, and we're. When you try when you are expecting other people to fulfill those needs, you are coming up short. People are feeling overwhelmed. They're feeling like they, they can't even fulfill their obligations. So nobody have any time to help you or to be on your side. My experience is that meditation is the primary, way of, taking care of yourself because meditation is about looking within, trying to know yourself, trying to feel exactly what I'm feeling about the world, about others, about my role. So nobody's really listening to you. Nobody has the time. And even if you go to, uh. Pastor, religious leader or somebody like that, they can probably help you to some extent, but you need to spend time, knowing yourself and making time for yourself. I dunno if you wanna Yeah, I, I had a, I had a thought of, I don't know if you have heard of bk Shivani, sister Shivani. She's another Brahma Kumari like us, but she's very famous. She's, she speaks all over the world and she talks about thoughts and she's has very large following and she's really great. If you ever wanna check her on YouTube she's fantastic. Shivani is her name. Anyway, one thing that she said one time really struck me and 'cause she talks about thoughts all the time, like what's going on in the mind. She said, you really only listen to yourself. It's like, wow, is that true? And if you think about it, it really is true because anybody can say anything to you, but it's what you say to yourself that you start following. So think about it. I'll give an example. So let's say. I am in a, what we call, what we've been calling toxic, a toxic relationship. And what do we mean by toxic relationship? It's a relationship in which for whatever reason, there's a blockage and there's no free flow of spontaneous sharings and givings and takings. For whatever reason, it's blocked and there's pain there and there's negativity there. So we call that toxic. There's no free flow of that, of normal stuff. So let's say I'm in a toxic relationship and I keep fighting and then something inside keeps saying, this is not right. I need to, maybe stop this relationship, or I don't need this friendship. Let's say it's a friendship. Let's say it's a toxic friendship, and it's like, why should I put up with this and whatever. But then something inside says to me. Well, you know, you don't wanna hurt their feelings, let's say. Yeah. So who am I listening to? Aren't I listening to myself? I mean, that's just one example, but I am gonna assert right now that we're only listening to ourselves. I think Shivani is a hundred percent correct. You are only listening to yourself. So wouldn't it be a good idea to find out what's going on in there? Wouldn't it be a good idea to find out what's going on in yourself? It's interesting that we're talking about self-care. Most of the time that we talk about self-care, we talk about care of the body, isn't it? Yeah. And we said here, finding time for self-care. Right now I'm gonna call meditation self-care. Yes. That's it. It is. Yeah. So when we say self-care, we're talking about meditation. Because if I don't know what I'm thinking or if I don't know what I'm really feeling or what thoughts are driving my decisions, then how can I take care of myself? I have no idea what's going on inside. In the beginning when we start meditation, it can be very scary because there's all kinds of reasons to not pay attention to your mind. All right, we have 1,000,001 things that we could be doing. Like scrolling on the phone or talking to people, or dealing with the body or watching TV or whatever. There's all different things that we could be doing besides paying attention to what's going on in my mind. So today we're gonna share a little bit about meditation and how meditation can be integrated into your life as a self-care practice. So finding time for self-care would mean creating a little bit of an adjustment to integrate this spiritual practice into your life, because sometimes I say in class, we take care of our clothes, we wash our clothes, we pay our bills, we take care of our kids, we take care of everybody, but we don't take care of our mind. I don't take care of my mind, and I don't take care of my heart. And I think that contributes to these kind of stuck situations. Whether I'm at work and I feel stuck or I'm with my body situation and I feel stuck, or with relationships and I feel stuck and I feel unhappy, I think the access to transformation, I know it is. That's my experience. The access to transformation is here. It's in me, but how do I access that? Well, meditation. So, do you wanna add something and then we could talk about the routine, like how to get it into your life? Yeah. When I started meditation, it was like a religious practice to me. And like I'm thinking that if I can repeat something over and over, like a mantra, that somehow God will bless me and that, I would get revelation or something, it didn't happen. Then later on I came into Raja yoga and they're talking about the self, the soul and about being able to like how it works, how you have your subconscious, or what we might call sanskars. A lot of memories there, a lot of all habits, a lot of personality traits. And these things are splitting up a lot of thoughts into your conscious mind and the more negativity you have in there, or you know, misgivings or bad memories Desires unfulfilled. It is bringing up a lot of thoughts in your conscious mind and you see it showing up in your dreams and all of that. So the conscious mind had to be changed. And with meditation, gradually I'm in, in the meditation, we are learning you are a peaceful soul. I am peaceful, I am pure, or I am powerful. I have wisdom. When I look at all those words, I said, none of that is really me. But anyhow, that's the practice. But that's how it starts, right? That's how it starts to start somewhere. Yeah. And then gradually I'm beginning, then I realize what happened. If I don't see myself as separate from my thoughts and all the past, personality traits or anything, if I don't see myself as being different from that and giving myself a little bit of time. This is really self-care. I'm beginning to redefine myself the moment I manage that. I don't have to conquer it totally. I just have to get a little space. And then I'm realizing some of these thoughts are really toxic. And by the way, you also realize I created them. Yeah. Like it's my responsibility. And this is where we get into the karma thing too, You wanna take care of yourself? Just one thing, I'll interject one. One of the realizations I had about karma, because I was more of take care of everybody else and don't take care of myself. Right? Yeah. A lot of us are like that. Yeah. Like you are always focused on others, but I don't wanna take care of myself because I'm just so generous and I'm gonna take care of everybody else in the meantime. I'm getting sick, I'm negative. All this stuff. So one of the things I realized when I started meditating is that I actually am the creator of all of this stuff. In my mind, and I'll tell you something at first, that realization is a bit of an ouchie. Like I call it an ouchie, like, oops, that is true. Like it's not so good and it doesn't make me feel so good. It doesn't make me look good, but it's the truth. Yeah, I did create all those things, but the good news about it is if I can face it now. Why would I avoid it? if I know that I created it and I have the heart of trying to change it for my betterment and wellbeing, then why do I need to be afraid of it? You don't need to be afraid of it anymore. You can actually face your mind. So when we, can I go into it now? Yes. Yes. So when we, what we do is morning meditation. So we recommend morning meditation, and we get up very early between three and five in the morning to meditate. Now. We're not recommending that you get up between three and five in the morning unless you already do. Some people already get up very early. If you get up very early, great because that's the best time to meditate. Why? Everybody else is asleep and if you notice, it's kind of hard to get very active at that time of the day. Mm-hmm. It's hard, like you really have to force yourself to get active at three in the morning. Everything is so quiet. So what we recommend is if you get up, let's say you get up at 6:00 AM. Set your alarm for 5:30. Why do I wanna do that? Every habit I have, not only physical habits like getting up, but also mental habits and emotional habits. They all start at the same time when the alarm goes off. Yeah, and you can check that. That's true. Yeah, you can check tomorrow morning, everybody listen now. Tomorrow morning, check. Watch yourself, like Ken was saying, get some observing a little bit. Watch yourself. Watch yourself and see, am I not getting up the same way, moving the same limbs, moving the same way, breathing the same way, saying the same thoughts and marching to the bathroom in the exact same way every single day. Yeah. They say if you compare, say in a week and something, nothing major happens. You have to go to work. Mm-hmm. Take care of the kid, whatever. You're fine. I think it's either the actual number, like almost 60% of the things you thought about yesterday you're thinking about today. It's the same thing. Yeah. So what does that, what does that mean? That means that you have a very strong habit that starts at 6:00 AM So what we wanna do is we wanna start our day, 30 minutes earlier to give ourselves a window of time before that force of all that habit comes in to try to sit and meditate. So, get up, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and then sit down. Then put on a video, a meditation. In the description below, there's the Release Your Wings meditations. Yeah. And we highly recommend those all, even not just for beginners, but for everybody. They're like between five and 10 minutes. They're very short, but they're great. Sit there and watch that 15, 20 minutes. Sit there. Now, I say this all the time, but if you sit there and your mind is going crazy, it's okay. Because of course it's gonna be going crazy. We never have been paying attention to it before. It's a free for all in there, right? So I sit down and my mind goes crazy, and one thought that I might have is that meditation isn't for me, and I'm gonna speak for us both and say, if that thought comes up, remember our faces that's saying it's okay if you sit there for 15 and 20 minutes, you won. Yeah. Of course you're gonna have thoughts. Of course, you're not gonna be able to concentrate. It's going to take time. You don't get the benefit from meditation after one meditation, right? You get the benefit of regular practice, but the benefit you get, even if the mind is doing its own thing, the benefit you get is that you're actually looking at it and you're not getting all for your seat. So usually as soon as you get a thought, you run and jump and you, you go off and do something else. But now in meditation, you're actually looking at it without moving. So then you're realizing, oh, telling me that I have to go to the supermarket, or I have a list of things, or I have to remember to do this or that, or whatever. No, I'm 30 minutes before my usual waking up time, and I am not gonna do any of those things right now, But see it. You see it. Yeah. And then you say, you know what? I see you. And now we're gonna do this, right? So what you're actually doing, you're not allowing the mind the thoughts to run the show anymore. There is another part of you, and that is the analytic aspect of your intellect that you are able to tell the thoughts that it's gonna be different from that. And you're choosing what time to get up and go do something, and you're not fighting the thoughts anymore. You're not fighting, you're not running, they're there, you know they're there, we're telling you they're gonna be there. So it's okay. When you start to do that to thoughts after a while, thoughts start to get a little weaker. That's right. Meaning they don't have the same emotional power or strength or to control you and run your life because the, the good part about. you know, let's say for instance when you practice something over and over, you get so good at it, right? So in your job and skills Yes. And whatever. Yeah. You need that because you wanna go on and you wanna be able to do things without thinking naturally. But when there's a lot of negative thoughts of worrying or, or feeling bad about yourself or whether you feel guilt about, oh, people expecting this and I can't fulfill that. You feel bad about it and all of that? No. You don't want those thoughts because you are now split. Right? You're saying, I can't do this because I have, I am not feeling well, or whatever it is, or I have my own responsibility rather than to, sort of like exhaust yourself, right? Trying to run around fulfilling everybody's need. No, you so both ways. You don't do it and you feel bad. You do it and you still feel bad, you still feel bad. So let's give like a in real time kind of scenario of what it could be like and what you could say in a moment. So I'm sitting down for meditation and I'm taking the advice and I'm sitting down, I'm putting on a video, and what happens in that moment, I'm paying attention to the video and all of a sudden the mind goes and my attention goes to the, what the mind is saying. The video is still playing, but I'm not listening to it. Because I'm now listening to the talking in the mind. I'm listening to this. So what's gonna happen is at some point you're going to realize that you are supposed to be watching the video and not paying attention to the thoughts at that moment. I'm gonna say that's the moment of self-care, Right there is the moment of self care like Ken was describing. That moment when you realize, you say, you know what? I see the thoughts. I know I'm, I'm here to take care of myself, and I'm going to direct my mind to think this and pay attention to this. What is this? I'm a soul. I'm peaceful. I am benevolent. I am essentially good. I am loving. I am wise. I am pure. All those thoughts. To keep bringing my attention back. No judgment, no force. Just acknowledge I see you. We're gonna be here because I'm telling you what's gonna happen is you're gonna lose time thinking about those thoughts. Yeah, you're gonna lose time. Don't judge yourself for that either. If you spent the whole time, let's say you spent, let's say it's 15 minutes and you spent 14 minutes and 50 seconds lost in the thoughts. You only spend 10 seconds total paying attention to what you're supposed to be paying attention to. That 10 seconds is your self-care. Hope to change it. Take it, try it, have courage. The thoughts cannot really dominate you. It's just because we've allowed it for so long that we feel a little afraid. A little scared, a little unsure. What better thoughts could you be thinking than I'm a peaceful soul? What better thought could you think of? Really think, think of thoughts about yourself. Look at don't be ashamed, don't feel like a sacrilege or anything like that. That I am a child of God. I'm a child of God, or I'm a, I'm a, I'm special. Yeah. I am unique. I have something to offer to the world. I have good feelings for the world. I have a lot of potential within me. Mm-hmm. No matter what the world says, no matter or no matter what this one is saying, oh, no matter this voice in your head says, yeah, because your voice is only repeating what the TV or what the news or what the neighbor or what got, whatever it is, and now you've picked it up and roll it on the tape. Right? The thing about the mind is that you have an intellect that could tell you. These thoughts are not helpful or good or even true. They're not even true. It's something that I heard. It's something that I see other people doing. Now can we say that even if we're talking about the part, like when you first start, where it's difficult but it doesn't take long to start seeing progress. Right. Okay. So just so you feel hope. 'cause nobody wants to keep doing something that they don't feel successful in. Right? So my experience, maybe we can close with this. I'll share my experience of meditation. You could share your experience. My experience is that I'm, I have a very active, tendency. My, my tendency is to be more active in the mind. Okay. That's why I feel so compelled to share about that. 'cause I don't want you all to feel like you can't meditate if your mind is active, you certainly can, and you need to because you need to start telling yourself something different. So. My experience was even though the mind was active, within two weeks of doing this practice that we're talking about right now, anger had completely left me within two weeks, and that's not having blissful meditation experiences. The fact that I was sitting down every day doing it after two weeks, I had a noticeable result. Yeah. So I wanna say that the act of self-care, the act of sitting for meditation is in itself going to help you, and you will see a result in a short period of time. I wanna say, I wanna promise it, but that's my experience. So what's your experience with meditation? Well, I've been doing it for a long time, many, many years. And you know, one of the greatest fear that I had overcome was. I felt bad about thinking about myself and I felt like I was, being a bad person or that it is not right. Not to think of other people like selfish or whatever. But I pushed through that and I, uh, and Lisa, this is an internal process and it's not like you're changing anything on the outside physically, but internally I begin to realize, wow. The more I am peaceful inside, the more the mind is calm. It became very positive. And the next thing you know, the more I love myself, I was able to open my heart to, to everyone. So like I said, this is happening inside in your mental space where everyone you might have a thought coming up about someone, somebody appears in your memory or in your conscious mind. And right away like you have an, uh, your heart, you. Good feeling towards no matter what, it might be a good relat, it might be a relationship close, or it could be a stranger. It could be what anyone, and it could be somebody you've never seen in different parts of the world. We do have like certain stereotypical thinking about people all over the world, right? Because they different from us and gradually even the difference change. So why I'm saying that is that the more I send out something, what comes back is an inner growth, a feeling of, like there's an expansion of my consciousness. There's a feeling of connection and it is like almost you realize love or happiness or peace first benefit me, and then it goes out. I was gonna say, it's like your own self-respect starts to grow in, in a real way. Not in an externally, dependent way like before, right? Like everything was dependent on what happened on the outside. But I feel like, and maybe we can wrap this up by saying this is like self-care. Maybe the best result of meditation and self-care is that my self-respect comes in, my self-respect grows back. Yeah. Self-esteem, right? Yeah. And I think that impacts everything. My own self and everybody else. Yeah. That's where happiness comes from actually. Yeah. It doesn't come from outside. It really comes from inside how you feel about yourself and you have the, the capacity to, transform and become someone that you, you respect and be and can be proud of. Yeah, be proud of. Wonderful. Yeah. All right, so I hope that gave you some ideas and we will, I can see you next time. Thank you so much for being here. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. When you walk into a room, life gets little. You.
