Episode Transcript
My name is Ken Hanuman and this is my wife, Dr. Anne O'Hare. We both work in healthcare and have been meditating for many years. We also enjoy a happy and fulfilling marriage. Come, listen, and see how to demystify spirituality and bring it into your home, your hearts, and in all your relationships. We will share our experiences and how we use these principles in everyday life. Welcome to the spiritual relationship. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Spiritual Relationship Podcast. My name is Ken Hanuman and this is my wife and spiritual leader, Dr. Anne O'Hare. Hi, everyone. This, the topic today is living with integrity. And it's nice to have somebody who's going to make sure you live that. Yeah, because when we talk of integrity, We're talking about having a standard of value a belief that you stick to you. It's as part of your character and it's something that you follow even when no one is looking. And therefore I would like to say that integrity is like the backbone of all other spiritual practices Wow I'm really happy to hear you say that. We're going to tell on ourselves in a minute, but I'm very happy to hear you say that I really am. That's a huge, that's a big deal. Yeah. I mean, I was reviewing this spiritual practice and I'm realizing that you can have spiritual experiences, you know, and you can live as you can follow a certain discipline, but if you don't have integrity and if you don't truly believe in the things that you That you're experiencing and that you know Intellectually, you know, it's true. It's right. It's beneficial, but you don't practice it diligently for a long time and You're true to that Even when you're not challenged or whatever you are What happens to your personality is amazing the transformation Wow. Can I ask you how you've experienced? I am absolutely floored right now because this is a big deal. If you know how he was, you know, this is a big deal really. I really came from a thing I used to do like leadership programs and things like this, and they really talked about integrity and I learned a definition of integrity that says, do what you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. And if you can't communicate that immediately that you can't, but that's what I learned in the leadership program. But after doing the spiritual study, I'm going to edit that a little bit. I'm going to update that a little bit. Do what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. And if for some reason you can't communicate that at the right time. At the appropriate time, because sometimes communicating it immediately is not the right thing to do. So you have to be kind of sensitive to the right timing of things, but you definitely need to communicate that you can't do something. And there is power in doing what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it, even to yourself, forget about other people. That's what you were just saying. Yeah. Like in spiritual practice, you're doing it for yourself. Yeah, because You know now I'm considered a teacher. So i'm realizing he was a teacher way before me by the way. He's he's playing. I don't know what He's talking about today No You helped me a lot. Okay, so tell that part. Yeah, tell me a lot with that because the truth is that I came into Raja Yoga teaching and both of us right we're from medical background and also been been studying and practicing meditation for years. For me it became like just another part of my life and I enjoyed it but when I became a teacher, I'm realizing people are watching you even when Even you do ordinary actions And that is when I realized integrity is If you if you have integrity That is the best teacher there is. You You know, it's really easy for us to talk about integrity in spiritual practice, but let's talk about integrity within a relationship a little bit because there's also integrity within the relationship. In the next episode, we're going to talk about trust and faithfulness, which is part of integrity, right? It's part of it because it's a part of living up to your, the standard that you're setting. But let's talk about what happens in a relationship when there is integrity. What's the benefit? I just want to say that What is integrity doing what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it But it's also sticking to a an agreement You're sticking to an agreement that's doing what you say you're going to do, right? So you're not straying from the agreement or I'm going to say, you know, i'm going to share one thing. This is interesting You might be listening to this out there and thinking well, what if I change what if I my feelings change or whatever? Is that breaking integrity? No, if you're honest about it. If you have a different feeling and you share it at the appropriate time Then that's not breaking the agreement You're renegotiating it That's also part of integrity too. I think that's important too Being in integrity doesn't mean that you're stuck or you're dead It just means that you're following like Ken was sharing a standard. You're following your own standard and you're following a standard that you've adopted or an agreement that you've gone into a contract like a marriage or a or work is a contract. All of those things is a contract. Yeah. Now what happens when you don't live up to it? What happens .Now you were just talking about being a teacher and other people are watching you. But we had a moment, we had a moment where I kind of called him out. This is very early on. We were not together yet. We were still just doing the spiritual and I kind of called him out on that. And I said, how are people going to believe you with this if you're not doing this? Right. So what is the impact of not being an integrity? What's the impact? Like I will say my experience at work where, You're responsible patients, right? And you, for, and, based on the training you got, you're expected to function at a certain level. And, they, these people trust you with their lives, right? So, integrity is about not waiting for the authorities to come. Don't, do something because you're afraid of consequences. Do something because it is the right thing to do. And that's what I found. in my job. I mean, I've worked from, I've been working for like over thirty five years. And, I found that when everyone around you know what to expect when you're consistent, then they know how to relate with you. And as you know, in the, for the most trusted professions, Nursing. We're both nurses. Is right at the top there. Yes. And it's almost funny that nurses can be trusted more than a pastor or a priest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look back now at my working life and I realize I, I'm happy that I had integrity. That I don't have anything to regret about or wish that I didn't do that you know, there was a time when we started working and you talk about taking care of the patient, the money wasn't much because this was in another country. And then when you come here, the money's like 10 times better than that, right? But it's still the values you had, but that it is more about your integrity in your job. Yeah. That is the more important than the money itself because I mean we need money i'm not denying that part of it, but Also your heart you have to be happy with who you are. Because that is also a reward. That is what we call You know karma yoga that it is sometimes translated as doing your duty. Doing doing it properly whatever your duty whether it's your duty You Um, in your family or in your community are on the job, there is a duty that you, treat it, treat it like a religion almost. Yeah. Like, like integrity is, is a religion in a sense, because you're following something that you agreed to follow. I wanted to share about what happens when you don't have integrity in an area. I feel like it places a burden on others. And also your self respect cannot be there. Like your self respect is going to take a huge hit. If I don't do what I say, I'm going to do my self respect takes a hit. And if I consistently don't do what I say, I'm going to do. Other people start to notice, other people start to get affected. And my self respect takes, takes a major hit. Who wants to live like that? Right. And if you're practicing meditation, as you pay attention to your mind and you see how the mind is functioning, whether it's too many thoughts or negative thoughts or thoughts that are, sort of protruding into your awareness and it's disturbing your concentration and your focus, you're realizing, I need to control that. Yeah. What I find from living, you can say, sort of transparent, honest, or, predictable, sort of, you know, I mean, people can trust you, because they know who you are. You will see that you will also, within you, there is no confusion. There is more clarity, and, there is nothing to hide, there is nothing to lie about. So that, right away, you will see. That your mind will calm down and, uh, it will become more purposeful. That is where meditation becomes more productive. I have one example that I can give. Maybe we'll start winding down this episode. It's very practical and we've kind of adopted this in our household where if you do something and you say you're sorry. The expectation is you're never going to do it again. That's the expectation. That's integrity. Yeah. That to me is integrity. It's like integrity in the sense that I'm committed to moving forward in my own self progress. I'm committed not to cause any disturbance or harm to anybody in the family. And because of that, if I make a mistake and I know it, I'm not going to do it again. Exactly right. That and we've kind of lived by that. I think we've been living by that. And actually our son too. I told him the other day he, he did something and he was like, I'm sorry. I said, don't say it unless you are never going to do it again. And he didn't do it again. So again, that's that. Look at that, that level of integrity or that level of standard. That you're not gonna let yourself get away with causing a problem. It's not that I caused the problem. That's the problem Anybody can make a mistake or cause a problem or you know lose control of themselves. Everybody does, but how powerful is it to turn around inside yourself and it with determination and commitment say I'm looking at this thing It's not okay, and I'm never going to do it again. And if I utter the words, I'm sorry, that means I'm never going to do it again. That's holding myself up to such a high standard, comparatively speaking to the rest of the world. It's such a high standard, but integrity is also about high standards. Like you're going to maintain high standards. And I find as long as you're not abusing people with the standards, you don't keep high standards for yourself and then look down your nose at everybody else. Right. But you hold high standards for yourself with humility. Like I'm here to make myself better so that I can be of service to other people. Not so that I can just be good for myself. Yeah, I mean, and I see this in relationship with kids. That they learn so much from you by just looking at you. And then see how you've interacted with them over the years. And the legacy or the. What I've learned, if you are consistent like you stood for something, you had certain values, it create, it really does create quite an imprint in them as to what is right. And it's a reference point for them whenever they might be faced with a, with a choice. They have something to draw on. Right. So everyone needs something constant in their life. Somebody, you always need a, it's almost like having, that light we call lighthouse, you know, a lighthouse is steady there. And whenever you need it, it's there. What does it do? What is that? Like, how does it create? It creates like a stable point inside the self, right? And not just for us, but for others, right? Like you're saying for children in relationships, if I'm following integrity, doesn't that create stability for you? Yeah, it does. And when you're following, then it creates stability for me too. You can think about this as a point of, for reflection. As a human, you know, we are souls, right? We come into the body to have a human experience. In this, the greatest thing that we can give to each other is values. The thing about the human experience is that you're unique, but You're the embodiment of certain values and principles and you, and you are the light that will shine out to everyone. And if you don't become that, people are confused or they will go to those who, who are constant. And then you become like a burden on them too because they're waiting for something to get something from you and they're not getting it and it's confusing and burdensome. This is why if you look at relationship between parents and. And it has evolved over the centuries because families were a little different and what they are today. The challenges are different and then people might be more, materialistic now and, some of the values are being redefined or the things that people, value in their life might be more materialistic rather than character building or personality, you know, good personality traits, it is a little different now. But why follow the world when they're heading towards more sorrow and confusion and conflict? Why not make the choice now to live with integrity? Final point, would you say that integrity is spiritual? Absolutely. How? Absolutely. Because for someone to believe you, you have to be practicing. What you're doing. Yeah. What you're saying. Over a period of time. Yeah. And also that your life, you have some form of success from living that life. So when people see that there is a benefit to it and your life shows it. Let's say for instance, in our case, we, hopefully we can show that to our family or whatever, that it is possible to be in a relationship without people screaming at each other. Yes. You know, or without making someone, lesser than you or saying something bad about the other person. Or, you know, you have these fights that. All you're doing is making the other one look terrible. And you're bringing out all their faults and all their mistakes and you're, you might be. And I'm sure you don't feel good about yourself after it either. Right. But then it's hard to convince somebody else after that, that, that marriage is okay. Marriage can be a source of bliss and growth and, safety. And, can, can be the best experience you have actually. Like we always believe God Would like He teaches about family life Because human beings can experience so much happiness if they have good relationships So integrity is part of that. So let's let's end it there because I I think we've covered a lot of ground, but maybe think about it, is there areas of your life where you are not in integrity? Do you find yourself saying things and then doing something else, or not holding yourself to a standard? Do you find yourself telling other people, holding other people to standard but you are kind of easy on yourself? Yeah. Or do you not hold other people to the standard and you're hard on yourself? There's all different ways that this can be messed up, but if you start with yourself, 'cause we're all in relationship, right? Yeah. You start with yourself and you build up your self respect. It's going to have a positive impact on all your relationships yeah, and Sometimes we talk about the laws of Karma What we're discussing here actually is Karma in action. Yeah, and you can see the consequences the upliftment or the sorrow If it's not applied properly. The good thing is that once you take one step of in the right direction you get a lot of help That's the beauty about karma. It's not one for one I think it's actually and you're not doomed and you can always change it You can always change it. Whatever you've done. You can change it. Now. You can change it with the next decision Yeah, very good. There's a lot of help for you if you make that You If you're serious, undetermined, you could do that. Excellent. Okay, so thank you all for listening. We hope you enjoyed and we'll see you next time. Alright, bye bye. Thank you very much. When you walk into a room, life gets little sweeter. When I look at you, I see you are my, you are. My life. My life. My life.
