Episode Transcript
My name is Ken Hanuman, and this is my wife, Dr. Anne O'Hare, we both work in healthcare and have been meditating for many years. We also enjoy a happy and fulfilling marriage. Come listen and see how to demystify spirituality and bring it into your home, your hearts, and in all your relationships. We will share our experiences and how we use these principles in everyday life. Welcome to the spiritual relationship. Hello everyone. Welcome to today's podcast. you know the name of the podcast is The Spiritual Relationship, and relationships are really, really important, right? But spirituality and relationship are complimentary, and that's what we, that's what's special or unique about this, that. We can show how spiritual values can help relationship and how when we practice those values in relationship, it enhances your spiritual growth. My name is Ken Hanuman and this is my wife, Dr. Anne O'Hare. Today's topic is Facing Life Challenges together. We heard the term the, saying that two heads are better than one. And as we see today, life challenges they're growing. It's getting worse and there's so many things that can throw you off and make you unhappy or feel overwhelmed, and it's nice to be in a relationship where you're sharing that. And you're helping each other. So what do you think is the most important quality or one of the most important quality in, that you need in a relationship so that you can tackle these things together and you're not alone? I think it's really valuable to know each other's strengths and specialties and their dominant personality traits. Let's say, mm-hmm. Uh, to respect and honor each other's dominant personality traits. And, and I have an example of this. The reason why I think that that's important is because when something is happening, you need to bring some kind of action and you need to bring some kind of wisdom or bring some kind of knowledge or bring some kind of understanding to the table. And it's good to know what's available. I mean, that's what, that's what for me. Two heads are better than one means. You have twice the amount of resources available, committed resources available. You know what? It's funny. Two is better than one, and we're talking about relationship right now. But family can work like that too. Yeah, right. Family, larger groups can work like that too. But we're talking specifically now about like a couple, but family in general can work in that way too. If you are committed. Another group too, the group A team, right? We had a team. Team, right? Team consciousness, thing where if you know the specialty. So your question is what do I think is the most important or one of the most important aspects of this? It's that you need to know who you have in the team and what their specialties are, and what their dominant personality traits are and what they like or what they seem to be happy doing so that when something happens, we can plug them in in the right time and it works. You know, well, without any difficulty, except for us. For us, you know, money's a big deal, right? In anything. We have needs, we are thinking of, let's say, how do you take care of retirement? How do you save for that? How you get out of debt? When you're young and you are on the go, you know you want to have this and you wanna do this, and, and that's how life is, right? So both parties, let's say you're working and you're really, saving money together, hopefully, and you're able to gradually get what you want. Or maybe you don't. But the thing is that you have to manage a couple of things. One on one hand, you have to respect money, and then you have to be able to live within your means and figure out how to handle the money. On the other hand though, you have to manage your relationship while you're doing, this project. So there's a couple of challenges there because sometimes we can get so much involved in the goal of having more and more and more, and then the relationship suffers. Yep. So for me, I would say, being able, being sensitive to that and learning. If I could take care of the relationship, like in our case, we, we did have, a part of our life devoted to understanding our own self and then being able to work as a team and be sensitive. Like we have certain weakness or sometimes you feel overwhelm, however we take care of each other. And on the other hand, like I might, I might be the one who might want to save and um, or, you know, whatever. You might be the one that will be like, okay, this project is coming up right, and you can sit there and write it, write step by step. Logically you're going through the process and, and you wanna be clear at every step how things should be, how things should progress. So it's really nice to have, to respect each other's, skills in this. Mm-hmm. And, and being able to, to work as a team. You just said something nice, and this is a good example where when you were retiring, there was a time where we were waiting to find out what you were gonna get, like in terms of income. And that's a little bit, I mean, it's not, I know there are those of you out there that have been through this that maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me it, there was a moment where I was a little concerned and I remember I was sitting on the couch over there and I was saying, we don't know yet. I mean, and I was feeling a little bit, like I said, I wanna figure out what we're gonna do if it's this much or what we're gonna. What we're gonna do. And he kept saying, let's wait until we get it. You know, let's wait, let's wait, let's wait. And for some reason I just kept, I couldn't let it go. And then you said, all right, let's write it down. Let's figure it out. Because you, and this is what you were just talking about. Even though maybe in that moment you didn't feel for you that it was necessary to do that. Yeah. But you were managing, you were helping the relationship. Yeah, because what's the point of keep on saying forget it. Forget it. Forget it. I'm obviously, yeah. Concerned. So let's figure it out. And when we did that, didn't we figure out things that we didn't realize? Right. We actually came up with things that you didn't even think about. So you see how if you take care of the relationship, maybe another thing we can say, if you take care of the relationship, other things can arise. Yeah. That maybe you didn't realize. Yeah. You have to respect each other. One last thing. People get divorced because of money, by the way. Yeah. Or because of challenges. You said something really, really important. You have to take care of the relationship as well as the challenge. Right. You can't, you have to take care of each other because if you don't, people get divorced all the time for this thing. It's amazing how they fall in love and there's so madly love and they feel like everything will be wonderful and great, and the moment money becomes an issue. Or,, simple things in life, not able to manage them properly. How it can destroy that relationship. You know what I like a lot about us is that when things come up, we discuss it. I mean, I, I guess it's the way I like to discuss. I like to discuss things very logically. Like you just said. It is very logical. Explain it to me. As long as I understand it and I see what we're doing, what we have and where we're going, then I'm done. Right. Yeah. As soon as I get that, I'm fine. Yeah. I, I think sometimes if I, a man would say, okay, that's my job, and they don't include the wife that much in there. Mm-hmm. In, in explaining or, understanding like, what is it really you're doing and how can I help? You know? Um, and then they don't do that. They don't include the person. So. When you're of oil or when you find it, you, you, you hit a wall or, and you need help. You, you didn't include a person. You did not even allow them to think that they have some skills that can be used and, you respect them for that or something. Problems are there for everyone, but. If you have a sober head and you have some, and a caring partner. Yeah. And you caring environment, right? And you know each other's, abilities and we're both committed to this then. And then on the other hand too, don't just assume that you know what is best. Yeah. Before you get into something that can go wrong, because a lot of things, it's like a, like a casino, oh, I want this. And then you, you, you step out there putting everything on the line. Hmm. If you are gonna do that, you better include a person before you make that step. Yes. Because sometime it can work out great, but sometime it doesn't. When it works out, great. Fine. You would hero it right and you feel great, but if it doesn't work out, it's two people or the family that is all, that they're all gonna be affected by this. Yeah. You're talking about, you're talking about like even if you're in a relationship that you kind of go rogue. Yeah. And you're like, I'm doing it and I'm not really participating in the relationship while things are going on. I think that's a dangerous game. And you're, you're kind of, uh, putting yourself at a disadvantage. When you do that, there's something else that I, I'd like to share about our relationship, which I never had in another relationship, by the way, which is that when sometimes you'll get a feeling about something and you will express it, and usually it'll be like, I don't know if I should say it, but this is how I feel. And at first I may not understand what he's talking about, agree with what he's talking about, or think that it's pertinent or whatever. But I've learned, and this, I guess what I'm trying to say, the principle behind that is if you love somebody, then you have to feel like their feelings matter and their feelings have some relevance somehow, and you gotta trust that. I trust that with him. Now, if he's saying something, even if I'm reacting a little bit, I still trust what he's saying. And I keep on saying, tell me what you're, tell me more. Tell me more. Because I've learned from experience. He's seeing something that I don't see. All right. And the same thing with me, isn't it The same thing with me? Yeah. Yeah. And just the same thing, right? Yeah. If I'm acting a certain way, he may not need to act that way. He may not need to think that way, but he trusts. Yeah. That it's something that needs to be paid attention to. I think that's what I mean. I think that's what we're talking about when we say take care of the relationship. You must let the other person feel what they feel, say what they have to say. As long as it's not abuse. There's no abuse. No abuse. Right. No abuse. As long as there's no abuse. Yeah. Let them say, because that. Expressing into the space is going to help the situation. Right. One of the thing I was thinking about is, which we haven't had really yet, which is illness. We haven't had to deal with illness yet. Well, we had it. Both of us. Right. Where we did have, well we had like surgeries, stuff like that. But not, not like an Ill, not like we were not sick. Sick. Right. But yeah. But we took care of each other. We took care of each other. Yes. To the point where, we didn't even, relatives didn't even know. Yeah. See, nobody knows. Now. They know we're telling the world. But no, we had surgeries, different surgeries, over the past maybe five or six years. And, um. We were able to take care of each other, and that was, I think it's an important part of a relationship too, to be able to take care to, that you're taking responsibility for the other person's body as well in this kind of a relationship. That's a big deal, actually. I mean, we were born in healthcare too. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing. We have so much knowledge that that helps. Yeah. And we, the, the thing is that sometimes People who don't have maybe a medical background or something like that, they tend to become emotional or they, or they, they don't know what's going on. Right? Mm-hmm. And so you can easily get scared or you are afraid that, uh, maybe I'm doing something wrong or something like that, you know? I find that you, you can, and in our case then, right, we were able to go through that very easily. Mm-hmm. And, and I'm glad we did that because. The less you involve other people. It's less, you have to deal with less. You have to deal with, right? Yeah. I mean, if it's necessary, it's necessary. Yeah. But, uh, but we learned a lot. I learned a lot in those scenarios. We really learned a little bit about taking care of each other. The other thing is like if something really, the illness that I'm talking about is like, maybe if one of us is hospitalized or some, like something that's serious and requires like a long term situation or maybe a scary situation where we don't know, or maybe it's a serious illness, that kind of thing. I think in those times, it's good just to know in your heart that you're not alone. You know, like if I was going through something, I know I'm not alone. If you were going through something, you know you're not alone. And, and you said in the beginning when we had this topic facing life challenges, you said two heads are better than one and you don't have to be alone. That's a big deal. Yeah. It is a big deal. I don't think human beings are meant to be alone. Mm. We would like to have a relationship with God. A feeling like you're not alone. You have a sense of belonging. And a family, you know, you, you like them to have a family that is supportive, you know? Yeah. I mean, everybody's going through so much nowadays. Mm-hmm. It's really. You really have to, can we say count your blessings? Mm-hmm. You really have to count your blessings and see who it is that maybe is close to you, that this is what I feel. See who it is, is close to you that you can count on, and don't ever abuse that or take that for granted. Always be very grateful. You know, and also what we say in spirituality, which is, if I have good wishes and I'm doing good actions and I'm taking care of myself, and I'm being honest, and I'm, you know, being authentic and honest, then, then hopefully with the law of karma, something's gonna come back to me. Yeah. I mean, it's unlikely that if I'm being a good person, that I won't have help when the time comes. Exactly. That's a good point. It's unlikely point the law of karma. Yes. Sometimes we try to please people or we try to understand them and whatever, and we find it very difficult to do that. One thing I have found. It's very difficult to read somebody's mind, right? I mean, it's not possible. Well, what you can do and what people respond to is kindness, yes, care. And if you're helping others without expecting anything back in return with little things in life, might not necessarily be money, giving money or anything like that. It's just kindness and smile and helping and good advice. And. Maybe just being around when people, you know, try, learn how to give without expecting back and these little things, it will go a long way for you to build relationships and make relationship more, like you said, like you'll never be alone then. Yeah. You'll never feel alone. Like dependable. Yeah. You, yeah. Dependable, reliable, and, um. Stable. Yeah, I think that's, that might be good enough. I mean, so what does this, what does this have to do with Facing Life challenges? So let's, in a nutshell, work on your relationships. Don't take them for granted. Don't be lazy, don't be careless about it. Understand that they're a very powerful support. And that when you are able to see each other's strengths and you're able to be together and you're able to build up goodwill over time and then you're doing good karma. Yeah. You're creating an environment where you're gonna have help. You don't have to think about it physically, but you're creating the emotional environment that you're going to get the help when the time comes. And not to mention, it's good to have somebody that's kind of analytical and somebody that's kind of, you know, emotionally stable. That's a nice combination. Right? It's a very nice combination. You know, we, we, I mean, there are challenges. Today's today's world. In today's world, there's so many things happening around us. You really need a close relationship. At least one. Mm-hmm. One or two. You need it. Agree and work on that. And remember, even when you're not sure what to do, be kind, be helpful, be selfless, even if nothing comes back, still be that. And you'll see the law of karma will. Eventually it will turn around. It has to. It has to. Okay. Very good. All righty. So thank you all for listening and we hope you got some good insights there in that discussion. And so we will see you next time. Mm-hmm. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. When you walk into life gets you. You.
