Episode Transcript
Welcome to today's podcast This is a new podcast and the name of it is spiritual relationship My name is Ken Hanuman And I will let my wife introduce herself. Dr. Anne O'Hare Hi everyone. Welcome we're both in, we're both healthcare professionals and, but most importantly, we have been practicing daily meditation for years. I've been doing it for over 30 years. And I've been practicing for about 13 years. The thing is that when we got married, we were already, practicing meditation. So, the beautiful thing is that we were, we had the shared interest of, discussing meditation, spiritual values, and maybe how we could use that in our life and to help people, to incorporate that into life and see if it helps them, see if it makes them, enjoy their relationships, as human beings, we're born. into families relationship. Relationships can be source of great happiness, the greatest. For, you know, when it comes to growth and happiness and actualization, that is where you do it. But, What I find today, relationship can also be the source of a lot of sorrow, right? Mm hmm. I think that we're really interested in sharing what we have learned, how we incorporate spiritual knowledge and our spiritual practice into our relationship. And you'd be surprised to find that Many of the issues that happen normally in relationships are not here. I mean, they're just not here. But we'd like to take, like today we're going to talk about respect as a topic. And I think that that's the foundation of any good relationship, you could argue. But we're going to talk about respect and we're going to put a little bit of a spiritual, Slant on it, but we wanted to introduce ourselves a little bit. We Are very happy in our marriage and we have also used the principles that we're going to share on this podcast We've used it with all of our relationships So it's not that's why it's called the spiritual relationship and not like the couple or something because it's all relationships right and the underlying principle is the Interaction is is governed by a law, you know You And if you, if you understand that principle, then you know how to apply it. And this is what we will discuss. Because, that's why we use the word spiritual. So don't think of spiritual as something mystical or, don't, don't go down that road. This is really about values that is, that is positive. And, that you can experience immediately as you incorporate it, the happiness or the, how challenges are overcome by using it. I have an example right off the bat. We had a student, so we also teach meditation and we have a student that was practicing for a while and then he wasn't around. And then when he came back, he said he was having trouble in his marriage and he said his wife was, wanting to separate because she wanted to go into a new profession and our student was very yeah, our student was kind of Blown away like he didn't expect and i'm sure Probably some of you can relate to this like you think everything's fine in the relationship And then all of a sudden bam, the person's not happy and they're ready to go So what we did was we listened of course and then it was The topic today is respect. So I, we gave him some advice actually about how to relate to his wife. And it was something that he said, wow, I never thought of it that way. And they were married for many years. So what did you tell him? Cause it was like kind of man to man thing, but he never thought of it this way. So maybe you could share a little bit about what we told him. Yeah, maybe what I told him was really based on our experience. The, I mean, from the moment, I knew you for quite a while, even before marriage. We worked together. We worked together too. So I always had a lot of respect for you. And that didn't change when we got into the marriage. And then it's like, there's something in me that I would never want to hurt you. And the, other part was that I begin to understand, realize that culturally men have certain assumptions about their wives, and sometimes it is not truly equal. So I, I begin to see, based on spirituality, that my part is to, always hold that respect for you. And to know that each one of us in the relationship want to feel valued, so I was explaining to him that why not step back and maybe, don't think of yourself so much as a husband, but think of it as this is a wonderful soul that has come into your life and maybe try to find out. What is it that she wants and what is it that will, her hopes and dreams and see how you can share that. And one other aspect that we were sharing was, what we learned in spiritual practice. Is that the male and female roles, like you just alluded to, maybe we can take another look at them. We told him, maybe he's always thinking, I want this from her, I want that from her, but he wasn't thinking about what is he giving. And so that was one thing that we shared with him and he said I never thought of it that way And I think that's not just a male female thing But a maturity thing as a mature person in a relationship I would want to provide something or give something or contribute something to the relationship both people want to be Happy and fulfilled and one thing I can share. One of the things from the female side both sides, but from the female side, it's really important for us to protect the dignity of the other person. So I would never want to embarrass him. I would never want to embarrass him and it doesn't have to be especially in front of people But even if it's not in front of people I'm very sensitive to not wanting to embarrass or belittle or anything like that Women have a lot of power in the relationship as well. So what we advise this student was some of those ideas like, give her some space, but also think about how was your attitude? And something that came, that became very apparent to me was culturally, we come from different cultures, and I realized that I, I had certain assumptions about women. And then I'm beginning to look at it, give it a second look, and I'm wondering, is it fair? Is it just? Is it serving well? Is it really enhancing that other person's respect for themself and value? Can you give one example of that? One example of one that came in that you had to change? Like say for instance, you expect your wife to do this and do that for you. Then also sometimes, even in jokes sometimes, we say something demeaning. And we think it's fine. We think as men, we can get away with it, she's gonna forgive, she can't, she doesn't have a choice or something like that. And one thing I try really, really hard to, to not even in joke, to say something demeaning. Because if I do that, it becomes a habit, but I am not sensitive to how at that moment when I say those words in jest, that you might have a little tinge of, am I measuring up or something. Like a little hurt, like, yeah. Yeah, because a woman always try to please and try to make the marriage work. Well, why she should be doing all the work. So this is, this is all related to what we shared with that student, because maybe on the male side of things, maybe he didn't think of that before and he didn't, he said, I never thought of that before. So this isn't just about male, female, it's about maturity and it's about respect and it's about caring. Like I care about how the other one feels about themselves. And one thing I can share about our relationship. Because we were interested in spirituality before, we each have our own aim in our own progress or our own. Personal goals, let's say, and we have not lost that, but what has happened is it's like it got jet fuel, like when we came together, our own individual progress like skyrocketed. And in my opinion, I feel like a marriage like this is the best blessing of human life. Because if you have a spiritual aim and you really have a goal for yourself And then you have someone in your life that has a goal for themselves and you're committed to not only for yourself But also to enhance the other Yeah, there's no greater blessing one one beautiful practice we have Is in the morning we get up together and then we would have the spending some time in meditation But after that we'll have a chit chat You With coffee. With coffee. Like coffee chit chat. It's the coffee time, coffee chit chat. And it really, it sets the day for you. But it's spiritual chit chat. It's like what's going on with us or it's like a. Yeah what's bothering you maybe? Yeah. How is the mind treating you? And maybe is there something you can do to change or whatever it's like. Or whatever insights maybe I can share or maybe, and what happens is it's this beautiful exchange and we were here the other day. We had another, Brahma Kumari, by the way We didn't mention the name of the spiritual group that we belong to but we had another brother here and he was here just as a visitor but we were talking about something like preparing for some class that we were going to give and he was so Impressed by the way we were talking with each other. Yeah that It's possible To be able to be in a relationship with someone, with everyone, actually with everyone, but let's start with one where I can be myself, authentically myself, and that one's themselves. And there's no friction in between. So there's a natural flow of ideas. Things get done. Like we make decisions all the time with money and things like that. And there's no, it's so effortless. Yeah. For me, one thing I realized, I always put the other person's feelings first, rather than maybe the problem. Problems come, challenges come, but that doesn't mean that even though we have difference of opinion, or um, a goal or something, that we can't, we can't keep the conversation, um, um, Constructive, like, yeah, you know, uh, and, and this is where culture comes in. Sometimes people tend to default into shouting or into demeaning or defensiveness and so on. And it doesn't really help you part of, part of what we're going to share, um, on this podcast is also how we deal with our own stuff. Because like I, from. I hate to be like male and female, but it seems like from the male perspective, it's more like you're directing it towards the woman, but from a female perspective, you're kind of just emoting or unsatisfied or irritable or whatever. And even though you may not be saying anything to anybody, that's doing something to the atmosphere anyway. So it's important for both to learn how to be happy, how to be responsible for our own self and how to also, like I said, maintain the dignity of the other and be cooperative. And it's such a blessing because it's real. It's genuine. And this brings us to this, like I was talking about the underlying principle of We call it the Law of karma. The law of karma or whatever. What I find is that the, the highest karma is performed in marriage or you know, in families because you are so close to each other that you impacting each other, not only through language, your true words, you're impacting by your behavior, by your body language, by the words you use, by the your, the way your attitudes to life. So you're speaking or you're communicating in so many different levels. There, that's, that's why I think it said, charity begins at home. Because your impact on other souls are so powerful. The way you influence your children for life. And we're going to be talking about the different relationships like parent child, siblings, You know all different relationships because they're all a little different in one hand and on the other hand they're the same because it's souls but it's really interesting to take a look at these different relationships maybe relationship between As an employee with a boss or as a boss with an employee or there's all different relationships out there But specifically with family, I think you're right. I think that that feeling, that blood is thicker than water thing What does that mean? That means that there's some kind of connection When I say you're my sister, or you're my mother, or you're my husband, or something like that, I mean, it's a little different than blood. The husband is a little different. It's almost like you chose. It's a little different. But the relationships are unique. Those relationships are unique, and all of them have the potential to make us feel fulfilled and happy. Yeah, there's one relation, another relationship that I really enjoy a lot. But, you know, I have three brothers. And maybe that's another relationship, you know, there's karma underlying every relationship. So, I like, so I want this podcast to be more about sharing our life. Not, I'm not, we don't want to be didactic. You don't want to be preaching. No, but we're going to share principles, like spiritual principles, like with, with the sharing of our experience. So, you know. All right, so should we stop with that episode, this first episode? Okay, so we hope that you'll join us again and on this journey of sharing and exploration, and it's a big blessing for us because, we value our relationship so much, and we value our spiritual practice so much, and to have the opportunity to share it is a great blessing, yeah, and I think it's really, I think everybody should share. You know these values because when people are suffering or they're going through challenges when they can listen to somebody who actually Did something about it not just talk and went through it like you can relate to that Then it gives some power to whatever you're sharing, So yeah, I really dream of sharing this and this will make me You Like, it's a fulfillment that I could share. Yes. So. Well, thank you everyone, and we'll see you next time. Bye bye. Bye bye.
